help

Hola chicos y chicas ! 
I've been thinking about my deviantart page a lot lately. Since i wasn't active at all this year, I feel as if I'm losing touch with you and that kinda makes me sad. DA used to be this place I'd run to to read lovely messages and get inspired and motivated to make more art. I think one has to really commit if they want to keep their watchers and stuff. 
My art is changing so much, I don't even know where I'm going with it. Though I don't draw as much as I'd like to.
Also BOTH my computer AND my scanner broke so I didn't speedpaint since months. Whenever I feel like drawing I just don't know what to draw. Last year's art school teachers really fucked me by constantly criticizing my art and by telling what and what not to do. I think I lost myself, I used to have limits/borders/frame/fbvh, as in in my younger years I was that one girl who drew shojo manga then I got addict to yaoi and I started drawing gay fanarts and littlt by little got semi-realistic-isssssh (while still doing other stuff for me) and now everything is blurry and I just don't know.
There's a part of me that want to work on my original works, another who want to clear my to-do-list (commissies etc), another who wanna do candy bar,another who wanna sketch/train, and another who wanna do "artsy" stuff. I have so much things I need to do but somehow I can't even make the slightest effort. Urgh. 'sucks. 
My head's a mess and I'm never inspired for the thing that I actually have to do.
My DA inbox is at 615 messages, with stuff I didn't answer from last october... 

I don't know how to get out of this shit, I think I need help.

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